Felley vs. The World

Yanks. Get a life.

So I was on this website the other day (www.godlessmotherfucker.com), sure he probably is godless, and maybe he does shag your mum, but he doesn't mention that he is also an absolute arrogant fuckhead. Just because you have your own website Mr. El Rey does not mean that you are suddenly a god, not even close. Not only are your rants just bullshit (i'll give links soon), they make me laugh. I can't believe how much shit you actually speak.

Of course, being English, the rant that annoyed me the most was the one entitled "Let's bomb the fuck out of jolly ol' England". Ok then, I take when he's saying "Let's" (or let us), he's referring to the U.S.A.... in that case, it seems their army is too busy fighting a war against an invisible enemy anyway, just like Vietnam. Yes i'm aware there are British troops involved, but at the disposal of Tony Blair who is also a fucktard.

He mentions many parts of English culture...infact his pathetic argument has three prongs (one doesn't count because it's wrong), which are Music, Food and History. Ok then, Music...American music is shit, it's corporated (even the anti corporate bands), it's wank, it's arrogant, it's r'n'b, it's american bullshit. Food...I suppose if greasy meat covered on shit in a bun is what the consumer wants, greasy meat covered in shit on a bun is what the consumer gets, after all "The customer is always right". Bollocks. In 99% of cases the customer is wrong. And of course History, who could forget american history...let's think...revolution, racism, civil war, economic disasters, nukes, more racism, envronmental disasters, collateral damage and racism. It took America 250 years to become that racist? Hitler turned Germany into more of a racist country in under 10 years. America is even shit at being shit.

He also makes a passing comment on our woeful economy...? Yes, this guy calls our economy woeful. The fact that the dollar is (once again) falling sharply against the pound proves that no matter how big america is, and how rich its land is with resources, jolly ol' England is still better. America sucks. El Rey sucks (and his pal chupa). www.godlessmotherfucker.com sucks.

Friends is shit.

Anyone remember 1994? Well it was the year Kurt Cobain shot himself and the year the Channel Tunnel opened reluctantly connecting the peaceful new Jerusalem that is Great Britain with that backwater nancy country that is France. However something else noteworthy also happened in 1994...the first episode of what would be the most boring sitcom ever was aired. Friends is quite simply shit. Admittedly the character called Chandler made me laugh once...but about the funniest thing the rest of the cast get up to is saying "Oh my god!" in a stupid utterly unconvincing New York accent.

For me "Friends" sits happily into that little category of shit U.S. sitcoms also joined by "Frasier" which is mildly funny, but equally unbearable. But anyway you get the idea...those shitty sitcoms.

Of course for a bit of balance to my argument, not all U.S. sitcoms are shit..."Malcom in the middle" is quite funny but only because of the guy in the wheelchair that can't speak properly (that is not at all a cheap shot at people in wheelchairs with breathing difficulties, it's just funny because of the context...and hey, the director decided on it so if you wanna point the finger it's him who's wheelchairkidist).

Anyway the point was that Friends is shit. Do yourself a favour and steer clear of its mind-numbing humour...the best U.S. sitcoms are clearly "3rd rock from the sun", "Happy Days" and "Mork and Mindy"...the latter being just classic and with the bonus of having the genius of Robin Williams in the cast.

In't Germany brilliant?

I realise that an alarming trend may nearly have appeared in my rants...2 are quite anti-american...oh sweet jesus what have I done? Anyway first of all to set the record straight, I don't actually hate America, I just hate the arrogance that comes with being an american, because face it, you might be big, but you're not clever...the best and most important inventions came from European heads...infact the most clever american I can think of is Alexander Graham Bell who stole the idea of a Telephone from a German inventer...I love the Germans by the way.

Yes...the Germans, what a great nation. Seriously I totally admire the Germans, they invented some really cool things like rockets, hamburgers and beer. It's a great sporting nation too, and has good footballers (although recent Euro 2004 results aren't much to go by) and a great national side...ok, it makes me feel better to say that becuase we beat them 5-1. Everything German is great, even the river Rhine...I just know someone is going to try and tell me about Hitler and what happened all those years ago, but if they do, I will tell them that Hitler was Austrian and that is totally different...the difference being that Austrians wear funny hats and yodel. But enough of this nonsense, the real enemies of the world are the U.S.A., China and France.

I also like Russia, comrade.

Auf Wiedersehen

Hey man... like, legalise it?

So I was talking to a friend of a friend on MSN Messenger, because...well, I was bored and I got "invited" into a convo. Anyway...I proceed to state that I was moderately under the influence of drugs, namely, cannabis. I said this in a casual fashion (usually when high, you say it because you feel others may notice a change and wonder what's up) "I'm stoned" and immediately came "SMOKING WEED IS WRONG". OK then. *reaches for Bible........ah here we are, the 16th commandment, "Thou shalt not smoke Cannabis, in any of it's forms, nor shall one be under the influence of this substance in any way at any given time"....Oh, wait, this isn't the Bible, it's the Oxford comprehensive dictionary of idiotic laws, thus proving that this girl is an idiot.

The point here, by all means, is not that SMOKING WEED IS RIGHT, but that there are some who are so mindless and thoughtless that they think blurting out such a comment will 1. Stop me from consuming Marijuana, 2. Make them appear like they have free judgement, like a sort of expression of individulaity. Now i'm a very open minded person, and I can assure you i'm not normally this harsh but OH FUCKING DEAR! GET A LIFE! A better way to show you were an individual would to have come up with an individual answer. "SMOKING WEED IS WRONG" looks like something you read in a Conservative Party Manifesto rather than a phrase you coined yourself, and even they admit to smoking the dope.

You see the fact is, it's inescapable...at least half of the teenage population of Great Britain is exposed, has been exposed or will be exposed to Cannabis. Wouldn't you rather it be Pot than Heroin?

In conclusion:

KIDS! Try weed at least once.
PARENTS! Your children are stoned.

MTV makes me wanna smoke crack...

Ah yes. MTV. Launched in the early 1980's onto american television and landing on British screens a few years later, it has been said that it revolutionised popular culture in that all modern pop songs now require a music video. That's all well and good but in terms of programming, I don't think there is a more shallow, pathetic TV channel in the world. It's so plastic and robotic almost. For those who have ever sampled the delights of "Cribs", you will know what I mean. What could be more sickening than being given a tour round a celebrities "crib" and let us see how they have spent their "hard earned" dollars. And the way it is filmed is cringing, the soundtrack is piss-poor and badly co-ordinated and the general fakeness of everyone involved in the filming is just herrendous. There was an episode I saw when Tony Hawk randomly walked out to his personal basketball court and by the luck of MTV, five eager non-descript black guys were stood around without a basketball eager to shoot some hoops. Are we that stupid? Needless to say, Tony and the gang "shot some hoops" and pulled some "fly" moves.

I can't believe that this sort of trash type of programming can ever be cool. I for one stick my finger up at MTV, and when i'm rich and famous because of my band and they (inevitably) offer for me to appear on Cribs or accept an award i'll laugh in their face.

This shallow egocentric society we find ourselves in can be blamed in part on MTV and how they sacrifice every ounce of sense and the element of talent and good music in order to look cool. They even fucked up Jackass...and what do we have now...Viva La Bam? For those who have not seen it, Viva La Bam is about as funny as a dead giraffe in a well. It's about Bam Margera (TWAT!) and all the everyday fun and mischief he gets up to with his travelling band of idiots.

What happened to good music?
Oh...wait...MTV happened.

Disney World rocks my socks!

What can I say? Last week I got back from Disney World after my second visit there. Last time I went I was only 11 yet this time, as I close in on my 18th birthday, it was still equally magical. It ain't changed at all since I was last there, still 95F+ everyday and the odd tropical storm (hey, it's florida...). I love Disney and one of my favorite movies ever is The Lion King...it's so tragic when Mufasa dies *sniff*...Finding Nemo is just mint aswell, how good are those turtles? and the seagulls? Dude.

Anyway, Disney rocks my socks...as does Florida in general, no wonder it's called the Sunshine State. Shame we had to stop over in Philly to change flights...the domestic departure area in that airport stinks. I suppose it could be my unadjusted English nose... but a mixture of shrimp, hot dogs and pretzels is to say the least, an unpleasant smell. To be honest the smell of the place coupled with dated decor, and the shambles we encountered when trying to get off our first flight (We were waitin about 40 minutes, a joke) is enough to put me off Philadelphia for life, but i'm sure it's a very nice city, being the birthplace of Liberty and all that jazz. (whoops, somebody's sarchastic)

But the original point was, despite the obvious S.T.B.A's (Shitholes To Be Avoided), Florida 2004 was a great holiday and a great place to go...specifically Universal Studios: Islands of Adventure and of course the Disney theme parks.

Safe as fuck.

2pm, Thursday 26th August 2004, Orange C camping, Leeds Festival, Bramham Park, Yorkshire, England. So that's where I camped and the time I arrived, I can get the GPS grid co-ordinates if you want... Anyway the point is that Leeds Festival requires a dramatic introduction, after all, it is in my opinion the greatest show on earth. The fact that you can almost do whatever the hell you want (within reason) for 4 days and get absolutely wasted but no-one cares, then see loads of great live bands on a massive stage or in one of 3 other giant tent stages, is the experience of a lifetime.

My many personal highlights of the festival involve my mates and what we got up to (extreme sledging, spinning welly games and home made flametrhowers) but to be more obejective, let's speak about the bands and the music.

On Friday, the headliners were Placebo, 50 Cent and Green Day...and after seeing only the Fiery Furnaces in the early afternoon, I bummed around listening to music between stages, made a few visits back to my tent and eventually ended up at Placebo. Placebo were good, 50 Cent was piss-poor and everyone in the crowd was bullying him and Green Day were fantastic.

Day two started off in style with the You knows it fuckin Goldie Looking Chain themselves kicking off the day on the main stage...GLC are the band of the moment with their hilarious lyrics and bad-boy-mickey-take style. I also saw DJ Format & MC Abdominal, Reel Big Fish, Hundred Reasons, J5, The Distillers, The Offspring and 2 Many DJ's/Roots Manuva in a mashed up haze at the Dance stage.

The last day, I only travelled down to the arena for the last 4 bands on the main stage, spending the rest of the day chilling around my camping area. I saw Franz Ferdinand, The Libertines, Morrissey and The White Stripes, all of which were amazing...MORRISSEY PLAYED HOW SOON IS NOW! A great way to end the weekend.

The last 12 hours consisted mainly of lots of tent burning, gas canister exploding, loud drumming on oil drums and generally being really wasted.

Another year at Leeds Festival, and another unforgettable time.

I know that you know the known unknowns...know what I mean?

I just watched "The Day After Tomorrow" and if that did happen then I must say i'd be scared shitless. Anyway, the point is, this is an appeal to everyone in New York City...you must have had about enough of hollywood directors destroying the big apple? Am I right? For god's sake, it's been nuked, laid waste to by aliens, flattened by asteroids, destroyed by a tidal wave, frozen solid and to top it all off Godzilla made a dinosaur nest in Madison Square Gardens... which is bang out of order. Why does one city have to face the brunt of every available disaster that movie makers can think of? I for one have no idea...

I do have one idea though. Think of these things globally. In "The Day After Tomorrow" and indeed box office blockbusters like "Armageddon" and "Independence Day", America and in particular the pedastal of capitalism that is downtown Manhattan get laid waste to by anything and everything whilst at the same time passing references are made to the rest of the world.

It's really about one thing...America is not the centre of the world believe it or not! Why is it that America is instantly asserted to be higher than everywhere else in the world? It pisses me off that New York gets fucked over, but it infuriates me that America, the land of freedom and opportunity for all men, can be so shallow and narrow minded. Just fuck off. Your idea of ethnic diversity is employing a few mexicans and a few black people. And your views on Global Community go about as far as Kyoto, nuff said. The arrogance behind it all comes from the fact that you probably are bigger and better, but the reality is you're no more culturally advanced than Fiji. What's the point in calling yourself the largest most technologically advanced nation in the world when it's run by monkeys? That's right America, you could be a million years more advanced than anyone but the fact that both presidential candidates have shit-for-brains scares the living crap out of me. What's to stop any American president from decalring all out war on everything that doesn't conform to stringent U.S. views about the way the world works...grow-up America, you were once a young country with a bright future, civilisations rise and fall, yours has fallen, you should've taken the hint after Vietnam, go find another planet to fuck up and piss off.

Finally it's here...my 9/11 rant!

First of all, the events of September 11th 2001 were horrific and an utter tragic waste of human life...but i've got to say that because otherwise I have no soul. I must stress that I do not in any way condone terrorist actions against the U.S.A. I more simply condone using your freedom of speech to say what the hell you want.

I don't think the events on "9/11" were avoidable but I will be a bit provocative and say some people have it coming. Not neccessarily the people in the WTC or the Pentagon, but the country as a whole. After abusing power, people, ideology, politics, money, the environment and even outer space for the past 100 years...to me 3000 deaths seem like insignificant casualties to the cause of "greater good" for all humanity. You could and probably would say that it was unjust for terrorist bastards to attack the United States in such a cold, calculated way...but then again you could say it was just a tad unjust when the USA became the first and only country ever to use atomic weapons in 1945. Or when they intervened in Korea in 1952. Or when they intervened in Vietnam in 1964. Or when they emerged as the only superpower believeing it gives them the right to police the world. Simply the world is not America, and America is not the world.

Admittedly I descend constantly into anti-American rants, but i'm merely reflecting what I and many millions of others worldwide feel.

Again 9/11 was tragic, but instead of being closed-minded and vowing revenge for the actions, think of it more as revenge by the world for what America is doing to it 24/7.

Did pop music just get lower?

Ahhhh, Pop music, the jewel in Britains crown....wait a minute some black tosser from L.A. just robbed it and did a drive by on Prince Charles. Right, that's it, we're at war.

I am calling on all of you here reading this to boycott the sales of all R'n'B/Hip-hop from america...ESPECIALLY the collaboration records.

What happened to good old-fashioned British pop-music...it seems to be being slowly pushed a side by a tidal wave of absolute crap from my favorite place in the world, the U.S.A. But this isn't a new form of pop-music...not at all, nor is it pop-music with a Yank twist...this, my friends, is 100% pure, unadulterated new talent...or so they say.

The pop industry has always and will always piss me off, but thats not the point, the catchy, hook-fueled happy dancey pop jingle is dead....to be replaced with something to be much more afraid of...artists who actually think they have talent. What the fuck? These new artists actually take themselves seriously...hang on a minute...SERIOUS pop music? I don't get it at all. Happy dancey screaming girls have been replaced by oh-so-sophisticated 13 year olds with their brand new "I wish I was a slut" outfits. Something aint right...

And who the fuck is Joss Stone? If you ask me she's a (albeit very fit) British girl who has managed to tag-along with the merry band of black artists that are emerging. Oh, and congratulations corporate america, you just ruined another great type of music. I love the soul and energy in "black" music, like the blues and the r'n'b of motown but unfortunately a few twats from da hood are gonna ruin it for everyone. Street music should stay where it came from. There is no talent in talking into a microphone very fast, you could teach a monkey to do it.

I think that a decent hip-hop song, like any other music, comes from the soul. Music is the language of the soul, and you can tell when someone has spoken it. Bands that are able to spill their thoughts to a beat whilst keeping you entertained with a nice jingle is what it's about. Not taking someone on a stupid ride through your stupid-assed world of guns, girls and "pimped-up-rides". That said I love NWA but because they were a proper revolution and were breaking down barriers and shit and im all for that. Just make sure you don't let it become full blown pop music.

Right i'm bored, but i've made my point. Stop making pop-music more complex than it should be. Oh, and Destiny's Child can fuck off.

it's the IgnoRANT...get it...

Basically, ignorance pisses me off.

Now i'm not saying i'm a know it all but I appreciate and admit when I don't know something. Fore example, if someone asks you where East Anglia is and you don't know, simply say "I'm dumb, i don't know", it would save yourself the trouble of actually proving you complete ignorance and stupidity by saying something like..."Isn't it in Denmark?". That's right Norwich, you're Danish.

In my opinion ignorance has 3 root sources: Popular Culture, America and The Sun. In terms of Popular Culture, need I say more than it pays to know as much as possible about Jordans relationship with Peter Andre and as little as possible about the political system which is safegaurding your very life and human rights. Now America, the fantastical powerhouse it is. The U.S. is the birthplace of consumer culture which has infected every other country in the world, basically, as long as you're buying shit, exploting ethnic minorities and making a fat 50 year-old, cigar-smoking man called Spencer very rich, you're OK. Consuming inevitably leads to ignorance, if you buy what they sell, they control you. The very way you think and your actions can be controlled by the information you recieve on a day-to-day basis. I'm not talking subliminal-mind-controlling-propaganda, i'm saying you like and enjoy what you are told to like and enjoy and image is absolutely everything... Which brings me onto The Sun, i've never read a more shallow, shit-for-brains piece of gossip driven drivel in my entire life. In fact, I recently read a copy of "Barbie" magazine for 7-year old girls which was more intellectually challenging. Fair enough, not everyone understands those big words like "why" but then again I also didn't understamd the point of free crayons with a magazine that had no colouring in pages.

Perhaps what you read is not the truth, perhaps what you believe is not the truth, perhaps what you think about the rest of the world is a fabricated lie. 40 million people die each year in africa of AIDS, did you know that? There are over 2 million soldiers under the age of 12 in the worlds armies...over half of which are fighting as I speak, did you know that? Next time, use your head, that's what it's there for.

And for the record East Anglia is in the East of England.

Anyone for Capitalism, comrade?

Does anyone know or understand Russia anymore?

During the days of the Soviet Union, it is fair to say that Russian communism proved to be corrupt, inefficient and in some ways regressive. After the collapse of the U.S.S.R. and the communist regime, there existed a pie, a pie of substantial economic proportions which if divided privately and in a free manner, could have created a powerhouse to rival that of the U.S.A. and Europe put together. But what happened to the land rich in resources and a potential superpower? Answer: Capitalism.

See, capitalism in Russia has created a much different society to that found in western democracies, and indeed a much different economy. Here in Britain, we operate "Capitalism with a conscience"... but where are the remnants of an albeit impoverished and poorly managed socialist society in Russia? Simply, they don't exist. What does exist is an oligarchy of insider 'big-players' which own 85% of the wealth across the vast expanse of the C.I.S. Sound familiar? Modern Russian society can be described as 'pure capitalism' or 'power darwinism'... there is no equal or fair distribution of wealth at all, basically if your chums with Putin, cogratulations you're rich.

Now the last thing Russia wants is a return to the corruptable regime of the Soviet Union... but it seems at the moment that many Russians, when not brainwashed by Putin propaganda, would like a socialist regime rather than what they have now. What they do have is pretty much a tyrant, an exploiting individualist who has (to quote Proudhon) neither the right, the wisdom, nor the virtue.

15 years down the line, the average Russian peasant is still a peasant despite the promise of a new and bright future for post-communist Russia. It's great that people no longer disappear in the night never to return, but what's the point when those that are left have no social, economic or political worth?

Russian society has problems deep rooted within it's system of government and it's leaders. In hindsight, the Premiers turned out to be no more benevolent than the Tsars, and it seems Putin is no better than the Premiers. The solution for Russia should be moderate socialism in the form of social democracy. The country has a bright future, just at the moment the sun blinds have been closed.

Power to the people!

War On Error

I have an interesting fact, Al Qaeda doesn't or never did exist as an organisation. Indeed, everything you believe and understand about the evil Muslims who wish to kill innocent westerners is a big fat lie.

The truth is that certain members (about 2-3) of a few certain Islamic Fundamentalist groups who adopted terrorist tactics against the U.S. are the true wrongdoers. But simply, how would this seem to Americans? A tragic disaster on their soil orchestrated via the tenacity of a few hellbent individulas sounds like science fiction. More realistic to U.S. government ears, would be an evil, seedy, well organised group of death and terror who exist primarily to see to the destruction of the West and all those within it. Enter: the Taliban.

The world media controlled by Western corporations would have you know that the Taliban is Osama Bin Laden's personal army being trained in "terrorist skills" to use against primarily U.S. targets. In reality the Taliban is an "Islamist" group who are primarily fighting for the creation of a new Islamic state and couldn't give two shits about America or the West. The Taliban are more like the Mudjahadin than the Nazis. They are "Freedom Fighters" who oppose the current Muslim states in the middle-east and central asia... Osama Bin Laden was merely a corruptable, wealthy investor in the Islamist ideal who also helped to fund his long term friends ideas to attack the U.S., he was not the designer of some grand plan of death.

The implications of this are enormous. Basically, coalition forces have absolutely no justification for the war in Afghanistan whatsoever. The world needs to know the truth that an arrogant attack force searching for a non-existant enemy devastated an already poor country and slaughtered or arrested countless innocents who had absolutely nothing to do with the events of 9/11.

For both Britain and America, the implications are thus. Millions of dollars/pounds of taxpayers money was spent on this unethical (to say the least) act. And for what? Neo-conservatives argue that we are now secure from the threat of an evil organisation. But the fact is that the evil organisation didn't exist. The logic behind the eyes of Neo-Cons like Donald Rumsfeld is that an enemy creates social cohesion. Even better though, fear creates a dependance on the state and a need for strong and decisive leadership in order to feel secure...frightened citizens accept civil liberty infringements and socially unjust policies when they are afraid of an enemy. Al Qaeda became this perfect enemy, an enemy which is extremely resourceful and has the ability to attack anywhere at anytime. In this case, "War is the health of the state". It's reminiscent of Reagan and his bombing of the evil Libyans who so obviously posed a great threat to America.

So there's the truth. Al Qaeda is a fabricated lie used to keep you in a state where your rights are infringed and your government has the justification to murder innocents. The thing that makes me afraid is that people so readily believe what they are fed by the media.